I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
