moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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