Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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