dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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