Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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