the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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