How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
