i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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