we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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