Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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