she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
