Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
