I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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