I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
