I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
