OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Welp...herpes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
