The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
