No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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