Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
