I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
