I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize