Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
