im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
