i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
