Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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