I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
