You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
