I'm going to jail i love you
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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