omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
