I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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