the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
