Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
