have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
