my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You made out with two different species that night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
