We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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