i jhust puked up my retainher.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
