Can i not drive my cunt home
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We left the knife in your bed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
