true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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