Where is the hickey?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
