Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
