went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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