Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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