let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
