I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
