In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
