Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
