Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize