New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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