Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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