maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
