I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
did i just pee glitter
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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