I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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