I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize