Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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