i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
