He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
