I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
