My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He shit in the fireplace
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
