you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Found your dick twin last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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