Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
