the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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