Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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