I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
