you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
