I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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