That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
