Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
