i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I faked an abortion last night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
