My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sarcasm needs its own font
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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